Is This My Midlife Crisis?
My dad only lived until 61, his brother until 50-something. My grandparents, all of them, lived until they were in their 60s. If we are going off of patterns, then this is my midlife crisis. Maybe this is just a new source of blame for my never-ending battle with my own mind.
I think about my mortality a lot, but not in an I-want-to-be-gone way. I just wonder what is in store for me and when it is coming.
Mental health struggles are not only for a certain age group or life stage. They can come on strong while you are a teenager, maybe even a child. Maybe they’ll disappear for a few years, letting you breathe when you are in your mid-20s. Just like lightning, they’ll appear in your sky once again—a 29-year-old who thought that these days were over.
It has been so hard for me to write lately.
I still do it for a living, but that is all I have been able to muster. When writing for my day job, I do not really get to choose the topic. There is room for me to have some creative freedom, but I still have an outline planned that keeps me on track.
I miss writing on here so much; I miss a lot of things. So much has changed in my mental headspace, but it might not seem this way externally. The thing about your mental health is that only you truly know how it is doing at any given time. You only have to reveal to others what you feel comfortable with.
My mind has been telling me that I should get back on here, that it would be good for me. Some days, it is so hard for me to just live. Again, I do not mean this in a harmful way. I just mean that it is hard to go through the motions of everyday life.
This is not going to be a depressing article.
I want to leave you feeling like you have a purpose because this is what I find myself struggling with lately. Even though I have many different purposes and people who care about me, I know that I need to get my own mind on board. I need to see myself for what I am worth. I hope that you can do the same.
No matter how hard things are right now, they are bound to change. I am not going to sit here and tell you that everything is going to be 100% better if you just wait for the storm to pass. What I will tell you is that you have the ability to choose how to react to the hand you are dealt.
I can either lie in bed all day long or I can coax myself into getting up and getting some fresh air. I am still going to struggle with my state of mind, but at least I can struggle while trying to improve my situation.
Reverting back to old ways can be eye-opening.
I felt disappointed that I have sort of reverted back to a version of myself that I used to be. This one is not nearly as sure of herself, but I did notice a difference—I’m more resilient than I used to be. What would have absolutely felt life-ending now just feels like a really tough time.
Yeah, it still sucks sometimes. But hey, I am still happy to be alive. That is the one major difference between then and now. Know that you are worth so much more than your mind gives you credit for. You can do this, and I am also here—doing this. It will be okay, and it is okay to not be okay sometimes.
You need to learn how to roll with the punches because they never stop. They make you appreciate all of the good moments that you’ve had before and think of how you are looking forward to the even better ones to come. At least this is what I’m telling myself.